伏查物語 | 讓關係維持心跳 Keep the heartbeat in the relationship

October 7, 2019

小查:最近怎麼了?

阿伏:阿壞又不見了..

小查:他忙..你別想太多了

阿伏:嗯..

小查:我陪你去走走吧?

阿伏:不了我想待一下..(坐著看向眼前的手機合照)

小查:好,我就在那,有需要來找我。

(小查默默待在離阿伏三個座位遠的距離,靜靜地等著..) 

 

 

 

~~ = ~ = ~~

 

有時候心跳是一下子的事情

心死卻要一輩子

不關心、敷衍、沒有安全感、冷漠

爭吵都好過這些讓關係慢性死亡的逃避

而到底是什麼讓我們甘願不斷付出心死的代價

也要保住和去尋覓那一次次的心跳?

我想或許心這個東西

不論是死去或跳著

才讓我們感到自己存在吧?

 

每個人都會在某些議題裡迷途

而關係裡的迷途

有時不是我們沒有答案

只是..我們不願走向出口吧?

緊抓著地圖卻不想去的逃生出口

甘願在這瀰漫毒氣的關係裡等待死亡

雖然很笨..

卻常常是許多人的選擇

 

溝通,才能讓關係維持心跳。

 

 

   

 

 

Cha  :What’s been up recently?

Vol    : Bad’s been MIA...

Cha   :  He’s been busy, don’t worry too much.

Vol    : Right.

Cha   : You wanna take a walk?

Vol    : No, I think I wanna stay here for a bit …

            (Sits down and looks at their pictures on his phone)

Cha   : Ok, I’ll be over there, holler if you need me.

            (Char sits down silently, leaving three seats between Vol and himself.) 

.

~~ = ~ = ~~

 

An attraction can happen in a heartbeat,

but it takes a lifetime for a heart to move on.

Neglect, apathy, insecurity, coldness

An argument is better than this slow death of avoidance.

Why do we choose to keep giving to this lost cause of

searching for a heartbeat and maintaining it?

Perhaps it’s this thing called the heart,

whether it being dead or still beating

that lets us know that we do still exist?

 

Everyone gets lost in different things;

And when you’re lost in the maze of a relationship,

Sometimes it’s not that you don’t have the answers…

But maybe we just don’t want to exit?

We’ve got the map, but we refuse to head to the fire escape,

choosing instead to wait for death in the thick smoke. 

You may think it’s stupid,

But that’s what many people choose to do.

 

Communication is the key to keep the heart beating.

 

 

 

 

(Translate: Liting; Edit: Alexis.; Illustration: Kurtis)

 

====  +++  ====

 

 

人物介紹

Vol 常在他人面前是陽光的、溫暖的,但實際上是易受傷害的玻璃心患者,面對許多事情都有三分鐘熱度,樂觀看待卻也極易失望,時常需要仰賴Cha的陪伴,也相當依賴Cha。

 

Cha 給人一種陰沉、冷靜甚至有些冷漠的形象,他最在乎的是Volts的情緒,雖然不善言辭,但總是會以行動讓Volts知道自己的關心,希望他能夠一直都很快樂,同時也相當依賴Volts。

 

Bad 是世俗眼光與劣性的化身,他年輕、帥氣、開朗有趣,你所有能想到的俊男美女形象都會在他身上出現,但人總有一些小缺陷,而他好像總是難以理解別人在意的事物,很難同理到他人的狀況,就像世界上有許多人總在不經意時傷害他人一樣。

 

 

作者後記

在伏查物語中,其實Volts跟Cha 都是我的形象。兩者象徵著自我的內外在樣貌。我們將外在演繹成一個模樣,以維持一個讓人感到舒適的形象,但同時我們也需要一個休息的地方,讓我們能夠自在與內心相處,是伏查物語最想表達的意境。

 

 

Introduction to characters

Vol sheds rays of sunshine and is very caring, but, on the other hand, vulnerable at times. He tends to be fickle when it comes to interest in things. He is generally optimistic but gets disappointed easily. He is highly emotionally dependent on his relationship with Cha.


Cha is gloomy, calm and rather indifferent. His main focus is Volts’ emotions. Cha is a man of remarkably few words, but a man of action and shows Volts great affection. He puts a lot of effort in making Volts happy and is also highly dependent on Volts.

 

Bad tends to judge things from a mundane point of view and is a man of mischief. He’s young, handsome, radiant and humorous. You can find every desirable, charismatic trait in him. But all human beings have flaws. He doesn’t seem to understand nor does he seem to relate to others. Just like many others that hurt other people’s feelings without even noticing it.

 

Brief dialogues from the three of them symbolize our daily lives. Cold words and harsh actions that are harmful to others can be seen every single day. By way of this short dialogue, we’re able to remind ourselves to be faced with these hurtful matters via a more optimistic point of view. In the meantime, we’re able to push ourselves to pay extra attention to people around us.

 

 

Author’s Notes

The characters Volts and Charles in The Tales of Vol, Cha and Bad are actually reflections of my personal image. The two of them symbolize the inner side and the outer appearances of me. We disguise ourselves with an image to put ourselves in a comfort zone. But, in the meantime, we’re also seeking a corner to rest and to get along with our inner self. That’s the image embedded in this tale.

 

 

 

 

 

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Queerious Taiwan is an ongoing bilingual project that aims to celebrate diversity and bridge gaps between English-speaking and Chinese-speaking members of the LGBT community in Taiwan. 


酷兒思台灣是個正如火如荼進行中的雙語計畫,旨在慶祝多樣性,與橋接台灣LGBT社群中使用英語和中文成員的距離。

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