Write Minds.Write Matters
A monthly column by Alexis of her thoughts on things that matters to her. It may be funny, serious, both, neither or some combinations of those. "My thoughts are my own - the only thing I really own."
Follow her on Instagram (@alex.is_imm).
The great marriages are partnerships. It can’t be a great marriage without a partnership. ~ Helen Mirren
[ Translated Chinese version here 中文翻譯在此 ]
“ Don’t you want to get married and have kids someday? ”
A guy friend asked me this question during a karate practice more than 10 years ago. He totally caught me by surprise. It was not because I never gave that question any thought. It was because we were not close enough for him to be asking that question. At that time I was trying to figure out my sexuality and I did not feel comfortable sharing that part of me with him as he was an obnoxious schmuck. In the end, I did give him an answer. A vague one. Something about being married to my job.
Thinking hard, the only thing about marriage I remember giving a thought to was that I don’t want to be wearing a wedding gown. I want to be married wearing pants. That was back in my elementary school. I remembered being worried that they wouldn’t allow both the bride and groom to be both wearing pants because I’ve never seen any images depicting otherwise. As for kids, I honestly have not thought about that. I was not bothered by the so-called ticking biological clock in my twenties and thirties at all.
Frankly, marriage and children are the furthest from my mind these days. It is not because I do not want them. Don’t get me wrong. I am open to the possibility of marriage and/or having children. It is because the probability of me having either one or both of them is fairly slim. And that’s okay.
Yet after all these years I know better than to assume how my life would turn out. While growing up, I wanted to be an archeologist, a doctor and the head of a department/company; anything but a teacher. Now I am seriously contemplating a career in academia. I used to want a big house, then I wanted a cozy apartment when I started working in Singapore. Now I am happy with a rented studio apartment. My dream car used to be a shiny red BMW, then it became a silver metallic Lexus. Now I don’t want to own a car or a motorcycle or even a bicycle. People change, so I know better than to proclaim anything definitively.
Deep down I know I do not need a wife to be complete. Personally, I believe strongly that I need to be complete and happy on my own before I am able to bring completion and happiness to my significant other. Simply put, I am pretty sure I do not need anyone in my life, but I do want to spend my life with someone who can make me laugh, cry and feel. I want someone who can help make my life more fun and interesting. I want someone who would elevate and enrich my life, and I hers.
One of the many reasons I’ve decided to stay in Taiwan after graduation is that I want to live in a place where I can love and live with my partner openly. Although I have began accepting the possibility that I may be alone for the rest of my life, I still want to have the option of spending my life with the woman who loves, accepts and supports me. If I am lucky enough to love and be loved by a wonderful woman, I would want to marry her and grow old together. If she wants kids, I will be there supporting her all the way and sharing the parenting with her. Regardless who goes first, I want us to be side by side holding each other’s hand until my/her last breathe.
My life has been full of surprising detours and unexpected adventures. I am open to all possibilities as I know better than to say never. To quote a line from the TV show Supergirl, “Life is too short and we should be who we are. We should kiss the girls we want to kiss.” So far there’s been a few ladies whom I would like to kiss yet didn’t due to a multitude of reasons, primarily my lack of confidence. I tend to feel self-conscious and awkward around the person that I am interested in. Rationally I know I need to take a chance. Yet, at the same time, I am also aware that my tendency to over-analyze and overthink is holding me back. Now that I’ve closed a huge chapter of my life and looking forward to a new one, I am ready to see what life is going to bring me and seize the opportunity (and the woman) when they appear.
(Editor: Zac.) (Photos from Alexis; Column graphic: modified from www.pngtree.com)